Archive for the ‘Bimbo Journaling’ Category

My new G

Friday, January 4th, 2019

So, im out here in Costa Rica feeling a little bit lonely. You see, I dont speak the language of either the native or noble people. Which means that my best option is to explore the gringo scene. This desire for social exploration led me to a picnic at Ciudad Colon...

I get overly optimistic when I met new people. The prospect of possibility trumps some critical thought on my end. At least this time, this hope was short lived when my neighbors sister in law picked me up in a honda with the trunk strapped down by a bungee cord and a baby in the back seat. She had invited me to the picnic the day before and I started the morning with peak bimbo excitement. The trunk was the first notch against any hope of a good day. We made small talk on the way...she was from Minnesota1 and moved here to teach and "marry a Tico". In fact, she informed me that the women we were meeting with had all moved here to marry Ticos. Notch two and I know enough to stop counting.
When we arrived at our destination, I was introduced to two women who were both teachers... three teachers from Minnesota and I were going on a picnic. You could tell how proud they were to have moved to Costa Rica2 by how many areas of the country I was instructed to avoid - it made me sad to realize that after 5+ years they are just permanent tourists. Their lack of understanding of actual Costa Rica was solidified by the host not offering anyone Costa Rican coffee. Emily had made lemonade with packets of pre-made mix and sandwiches from store bought bread. The ladies continued to make small talk3 about Minnesota life and excitedly warned me about venturing out alone. This was because one of them was robbed by a man in the capital of Costa Rica, San Jose, who repeatedly asked her for her cell phone until she just handed it over. I humored them by not telling her that, no - she wasn't actually robbed and from now on she should probably carry two of everything. The group was pretty shocked to see me wearing heels and a dress to a park in 75 degree weather. According to them, I should buy jeans/pants because "your body will adjust to this climate"4. Also, they freely offered to help me get a smart phone (with whatsapp) and a facebook account. The rest of the conversation consisted of talking about working at a school and vacations with their parents5. My desperation for socialization had led me to the type of people I actively avoided in the states. I wont bore you with any more details from the rest of the day6 - besides how I rushed home to try and wash away the degenerate feeling I was left with, but in the shower is when I met a real G!

arealg2

It was suggested to me that the little guy should be named Giuseppe and its the perfect name. Living with a gecko is a nice change from the raccoons that owned the trash cans in Indiana7. Were working on getting him his own scrub brush, shower cap, and weight set, so that hes ready to battle any spiders or gringos that come our way. I finally found a real G8 in Giuseppe the gecko.

arealg4

  1. When you tell people you are from Chicago, they naively resort to thinking that you walk down the street dodging bullets. I mostly encounter this by women who live a boring sheltered life and never had anal - so you can see why I dont correct them in hopes that they would never visit or move to chicago. Didn't think id see it in another country but hey, you cant take the basic out of becky. []
  2. When in fact they should have never moved anywhere under any circumstances, ever []
  3. I understand I repeated the word 'small talk' but thats all they are capable of. []
  4. Which is a harem inside joke, as the dresses are mandatory and I was warmer than usual. []
  5. This is even more sad when you realize that they were in their early thirties or younger []
  6. Guaranteed nothing they do will be worth mentioning by anyone ever again []
  7. This is not an exaggeration, all hoosiers know that you throw the garbage and run because those bastard raccoons are vicious. []
  8. To quote urban dictionary - "a real G is someone who is true to themselves and stood the test of time", but I've always know a real g to mean a real gangster. []

Part I - if im lucky

Thursday, January 3rd, 2019

2019 already started off with me wanting to go back in time. How dumb can one person be in one night? I suppose since #trilema hasn't developed time travel, I'm left with making living amends.

You see, I've been navigating a new life. For the first time, I feel submissive to multiple people, who I love tremendously, and desperately want to please. I feel fortunate in some way everyday. I'm sure a blog post about that will come later, but for now lets focus on how I messed up. My fuckupery goes beyond being selfish and not submitting at a crucial time. I stopped listening and sprayed hurtful words all over a great night. Words that I didn't at all mean but how would they know that? Some moments you learn and move on from, but its always been the most shameful ones that stay. However, its not about my memory (it shouldn't have been about me to begin with) - its about the person I hurt. The person who has always had my back and has never done anything but supported me. Ive been fortunate to have her still take a chance on me despite being hurt herself. I'm ashamed that when she reached her hand out, I attacked1. I'm at a loss here (a real loss in multiple ways) because she would be the person id turn to for help with forgiveness. So I'm left with writing, which is the only thing I know to do and what I'm not very good at2.

Cliché or not, one night can ruin a friendship because when you push people away they will go. It's true that loyalty is the highest form of friendship, but its only valuable if its earned by honest consistent actions. Its also inexcusable to repeat the same actions of others that hurt you3. This goes beyond the obvious and into how you treat people you love in every instance, every day. Its fine to focus on missing people from the past but not when it affects current relationships. I'm not good at much of anything, but I have been fortunate at recognizing greatness in people. I just hope I'm good enough to earn back what I lost.

The love I have for you wasn't expected, planned, or ordered. Its been built upon being able to see you smile while drinking coffee and watching you stand at the door to smoke. I fell in love with how your hair falls in your face and the way you clutch a gear. Hearing your voice became associated with safety and even more, hearing your stories, a pleasure. Its exceedingly rare to see someone so beautiful expertly deliver a hilarious joke, with the right tempo, and at the perfect time. Ive started to listen for your heels and hope its your voice. Never has anyone so quickly figured out the things that i wanted to hide. A scant few months later and im still in awe of your intelligence and somehow you've mastered perfect balance with me. I wouldn't have gotten through this without the small tasks and sweet gashapon4 toys. I never thought that pushing a cart and carrying bags for someone would bring such pleasure5. You're the girl with limitless talents, because every time I think Ive seen it all - you will cooly pull out an expert dance or pro impression6 I've always thought it was lame when people said that they're better for loving someone but hey, thats another one of your talents. Of course, I wish I were writing this at a future time when I was better able to convey how I feel. So, well call this Part I - if I am lucky. However, now I'm just sorry.

  1. Which is a real shame too because she has soft pretty hands, George Costanza look out. []
  2. At the very least maybe shell laugh. I really felt happy and useful whenever I could make her laugh (especially during tough times) []
  3. I thought I was better than that but evidently not []
  4. Ah a word I look forward to telling you about in the car. Embarrassingly, I love seeing your half smile and eyes looking back through the review mirror []
  5. I'm sure you knew it would, you always know.. []
  6. Its no secret that valley girl is my favorite impression. []