Annoying fetlife trends

By Nicole Renee

Let's get to ranting.

- Almost every female profile now contains a link to onlyfans. I'm not quite sure why the general herd thinks that this is more exclusive than doing porn, but I get the impression that OnlyFans is the most popular form of social media.1 Is being an onlyfans girl somehow more prestigious than being a porn girl and why does Sue in Ohio think that that she's qualified to be paid for nude shots in her messy bedroom? Anything worth learning in life is taught to you by someone with the fucking knowledge. Skipping this entirely (and the beatings) and demanding $5 dollars for crappy cellphone pictures is annoying, entitled, and the complete opposite of BDSM.2 The reliable advertisement of onlyfans3 is ruining fetlife. And I'm not talking about professional Dommes here. The professional Dommes I've met and partied with IN PERSON have, almost always, been taught by a woman older than them and are usually teaching a younger girl while in the club. Because, yes BDSM used to be a thing of tradition, service, and skill... Fetlife profiles are now just a vehicle to advertise paid content websites and the girls who don't already have an onlyfans are consistently posting about how much people want them to have one and what do we all think, should they get one?? This is the dance that females who identify as submissive do for attention. No longer is it about service and humility but rather - how much we all want them, how exclusive and different they are for the cheap latex they wear, and how if we appreciate their huge contributions of self sacrifice to posting nude pictures then we should pay them. Well, unlike the bois of fet, I'm not fucking buying it.. any of it.

Including BDSMtestresults, which is not a fucking thing! You cannot take a myspace quiz and then claim that this is what you're all about. You'd think that this "personality" test was written and verified by NASA. 9 out of 10 profiles have it and reference it within their profile as if the results verify their 'identity'. Websites have posted articles detailing the importance of taking the test, but no one talks about the importance of actually doing things. BDSM is now accepted and a part of mainstream culture. How do people gain from this? By moving the furthest away from the actual thing as possible. Anything to get away from thinking and trying. Let's all be as safe as possible so when we get to our last breath we can claim that we really lived our lives.

- Fetlife has a feature called 'fetishes' where in you can add created fetishes to your profile (like ball gags, beatings, teaching girls linux...etc) with the options of being curious about, into, soft limit, hard limit, giving, receiving, watching wearing, watching others wear, and everything to do about it. Anyone can create a fetish about absolutely anything, so naturally..

On the entitlement trend train, we also have the "I was made into a fetish" cabin. With uninteresting variances which include: how honored the person is, they can't believe someone made them into a fetish, please add their body part to your list of fetishes...etc.4 This fetish making behavior reminds me of handing out hand made valentines day cards to kids in elementary school. The difference being that, elementary school kids put a lot more effort into making those cards provoke emotion from their receiver than these weirdos do when trying to accomplish the same exact thing.

- My last gripe with the members of fetlife is their strong desire to create long profiles for their demands of their future dom, sub, slave...etc. Mostly its comical but after a while its hard not to be annoyed by the consistent contradiction on display. For instance:

I live in the Houston area and my intention is to hopefully meet someone I’m compatible with in person; if you don’t live in Houston (even if you travel here on occasion or yadda, yadda, yadda) please don’t reach out to me. I won’t do anything long distance (because that’s not a real relationship), and I don’t want anyone who is willing to relocate for a relationship (because that mindset contradicts the attitude I’d want MY Dom to have).

Now, IF you want to talk about purchasing content from me, that’s a completely different story. BUT that’s totally not what I’m on here for, so let me know with the first message you send and I’ll be sure to get back to you.

The last thing I want to do is waste someone else’s time. I’d like to think I’m an efficient person (especially with respect to meeting other people), so I figured I’d compile a list of preferences, some negotiable, some not. If you just so happen to check the right boxes, take a chance and say hello because I’d love to hear from you! If you’re outside my preferred age range, or not a Daddy Dom, but everything else on the list sounds like you, there’s a 99% chance we simply aren’t compatible, I’m sorry!

• I am a naturally submissive person. My identity consists of 25% adult attributes and 75% little girl tendencies; if you happen to associate yourself with a category other than “Dom”, it simply won’t work.

• I won’t meet anyone who is only interested in one-night stands, a “play-date”, or a friends with benefits situation. I’m a hopeless romantic who doesn’t sleep around (not that there’s ANYTHING wrong with that!) but my heart gets attached easily and the last thing I need is to attach to the wrong person.

• I’m monogamous, and I won’t be with a man who is anything but.

• I touched on this a few paragraphs ago, but just to make sure: I plan on practicing DDLG in my next relationship and I want it to be ALMOST a 24/7 power dynamic; it would be ideal to find a man who’s pretty familiar with the role of a Daddy, and is ready/willing to take on that much responsibility.

• PLEASE only take the time to message me if you’re between the ages of 33 and 40.

• If you’re into drawing blood from your sub, being brutally violent and leaving marks/welts on anything BUT the ass (spankings and getting slapped around is a whole different story) I’m 100% not the girl for you.

• If YOU, as the Dom, like to pee or poop on your sub/slave/little, then please don’t message me. I’m into MY bladder and bowel movements being controlled by YOU, not the other way around, and DEFINITELY not all over me.

• I cannot stand interacting with an adult who cannot use homonyms correctly or doesn’t practice proper grammar. I’m a reader, writer, and a student of the world. If you think learning new things-whether it be politics, history, science, etc.-is a waste of time, we will not get along at all. Without the motivation to advance your understanding of everything around you, what DO you have?

• I have zero tolerance for authentic misogyny (by authentic I mean you ACTUALLY believe the things you say, as opposed to playing the part of a Daddy-which is completely fine). Some common examples of sexism:
-Saying or thinking, “I got her a car AND a house and she’s still bitching!”.
-Viewing the way in which a woman communicates her needs to you as “nagging”
-Complaining to your friends about women being a pain in your ass, the bane of your existence, or the reason for anything wrong in your life/the world.
-Assuming I have trouble controlling my emotions and/or assigning negative connotations to my behavior based on outdated and irrelevant stereotypes, i.e. crazy, hysterical, boring, bitchy, a bad driver, a wet blanket, a control freak, shrill, etc.
I’m not a “rah-rah” radical feminist by any means, but I think anyone exhibiting sexist attitudes lacks a certain intellectual depth.

I recognize the importance of having a strong, competent man in my life to serve as a role model, confidant, protector, nurturer, and father figure. I’m comfortable relinquishing the majority of my power over to the RIGHT MAN, but bear in mind, I’m also comfortable giving nothing away and taking care of myself. My submission is earned, not given freely to the first guy who will step up to the plate. I would rather be alone and spend years looking for the right Dom than settle for someone who doesn’t deserve me.
I can appreciate how hard it is to be a Dom. I can’t say I understand, because I definitely don’t, but I know the difference between authentic and inauthentic. If you’re able to turn your Daddy-ness on and off to fit whatever agenda you have, you’re not for me.

Check out the BDSM test percentage results listed at the top of the profile.... so in case you want her to actually do something, like I dont know... take out the trash -  she can quote her 75% 'little girl tendencies' (this is actually insulting and I'm not sure why you'd list it on your profile other than to deter anyone serious) test results and you can get fucked! Let's also acknowledge that she only mentions her paid content, but won't link it because she hoped on a high horse of moral objection in order to find a way to feel good about both advertising and not advertising paid content. See, no one needs to feel bad about anything when you can be on the same side as everything. Remember, linking - BAD, mentioning to message for link - OK. I'm trying to break down what this 26 year old "student of the world" from Texas actually wants. So, you cannot relocate to her because that's pussy shit (my words), no other girls, she can never be called boring or bitchy, and don't expect a 24/7 dynamic because she'll only take almost. The entire profile is a contradiction, which typically happens when a sub attempts to lay out the rules for a dom.  How boring...

  1. I'm convinced Instagram is party to blame for severely censoring their content. Ass is okay but nipples aren't, right... []
  2. I really don't care how you invented a new form of 'BDSM' that you can now identify with and be comfortable doing. The acronym actually has meaning behind the letters. []
  3. By onlyfans, I'm referring to the amateurs buying and selling. []
  4. Hey, a two weird dudes even made trilema a fetish. So you can add being curious about tenderizing trilema's man meat OR tenderizing trilema's meat to your profile.  The options. Maybe I should make a fetish about being curious about who is curious about tenderizing trilema's man meat. []

6 Responses to “Annoying fetlife trends”

  1. "because she'll only take almost" is actually pretty good summarization of the girly mentality.

  2. Also wtf have you done, the text melted in a purply-pink cauldron! Halp!

  3. Diana Coman says:

    Now the text is same colour as the background, need to select it to see it, though the footnotes' anchors give it away.

    @Mircea Popescu It's probably beige!

    • nicoleci says:

      Ah. Sorry about that but you did encourage me to break things!

      The blog should be back to normal now. For some reason no changes of any kind will show on my machine so I'm in the dark over here.

  4. Diana Coman says:

    If you want to see the effect of changes, clear the cache of your browser and/or use a different one for testing, usually that's why you don't see any changes. I still stand by "break things, it's useful to do it" - only backup stuff before breaking it and do it in plain light!

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