A few things to remember.

I am writing this after having been in trouble1 and while spending the better part of two days without Internet or access to my Master.2 As it turns out, growing pains are worse when you are 26. I not only have years of learning to catch upon, but also now the stakes are higher.

Fortunately, I did meet my Master and part of what made me so badly want to give up everything I had in the first place was that, he is a Master like none other that exists in 2019. This is not a fetish that ends during the hours of 9 - 5, nor some arranged contract that allowed me to negotiate terms. This is real slavery and I sometimes think that the slave masters throughout history would be jealous at the kind of control he commands. Fetlife will try and tell you that being a slave makes you special and entitled to feeling so, this is not the case nor would any slave want it to be true. Having expectations3for things as slave in your Master's castle cheats you out of any pleasure you get from servitude.4 As a brief explanation - I own nothing which includes options, time, and permission. Some days I may wake up to go shopping, which in turn ends up with me walking around downtown in a schoolgirl outfit that shows off my cunt and tits in 7inch high heels. Other days I may be ignored wondering if I will hear the wonderful noise of a car honking, which means I happily have about two minutes to get downstairs. While it was seemingly easy to grow accustomed to this life, now that the 'honeymoon' phase is over I am left with tripping over myself for what seems like every other day. I am still (and probably always will be) learning a lot about what it takes to become a desirable slave. What I am learning goes beyond what is 'BDSM' and into what is actual knowledge of the world and how to interact with it. Often these are things that I already thought I knew and well - such as: how to drive a car, how to speak and listen, sit, memorize, proper reading..etc. In my life now, only one correct way exists for how to perform everything, so it is best to have no ego in assuming that I know how to actually do much of anything. For instance, I am being punished now and it would do me good to remember that:

No bad days.
If I am struggling then it should be the case for me to try harder to ensure that I am being pleasing. My Master is entitled to receiving nothing but the very best from his slave. It is not easy because the high standards of slavery can never fall but it is always worth it in the end. This includes me shelving any unfortunate feelings that I may be entertaining. A sure way to make any bad day worse is by annoying your Master with inept nonsense.

I am not entitled to comfort.
Costa Rica is supposed to have tropical climate but most nights I am shivering with goose bumps. Any sort of comfort that I receive whether it is a blanket, chocolate, a choice, the ability to use furniture, time with the nobility, the Internet, food..etc. are all luxuries that I am not entitled to. Therefore, I should be thankful with gratitude when offered any sort of comfort. For instance, I should not ask for anything additional when already receiving a blessing from those I (whor)ship. This also includes intangible things like expectations for how a day may turn out or being butt hurt over feelings.

I can forget what I thought security meant.
The sense of not having security is proving to be one of the hardest things to adjust to. Most people enter relationships with the preconceived notions that any promise they make to one another about 'being together forever' will last. I don't ever hear those words and furthermore, I may be threatened to get lost if I fail in any sort of way. I spend my nights at my cage alone without I love yous or a promise to see anyone tomorrow. Fortunately, I have someone who I consider more than a friend and I cannot imagine what it would be like without her.5 Having her is a rare gift of actual security and I am sure one of the greatest given in life.

This is only three points and some examples to what could be an exhaustive list of reminders to myself. This entire post may seem scary to most people, but most people also take so many little precautions to ensure that they remain alive without actually doing any living.6 Why take the time to protect yourself to then never actually expose yourself to anything? Whats scary to me is to waste my life by not being vulnerable enough to grow into whatever my Master wants to make of me. I would like nothing more than to look back at this post in a few years and say that I am more pleasing and ideal then I was when this was written. I am fortunate for the life I live by waking up everyday being able to serve. Here's to embracing that I may never-ever know what comes next.

butterfly

  1. Recently, I recounted the story of when I made a grave error while living in Chicago during the month of August. Chicagoans wait 8 months for summer and I was not allowed to leave the room. I lived on the same block as the beach and watched the days come and go as happy people in bathing suits celebrated the weather by laughing and skipping to the water. []
  2. or Hannah which is a good reminder regarding what my ignorance can achieve []
  3. This is not to be confused for having hope, which I am told makes you have an endearing quality of a vulnerable slave. []
  4. Pleasure is waking up and resolving to the fact that you own nothing are nothing if not performing the tasks assigned - it's an amazing feeling to hear that you did a good job or are most satisfying. It means even more that these compliments do not come often or easy. []
  5. Actually I can and it would be a lot of me holding myself rocking back and forth in a corner. []
  6. Such as those who move to another country and lecture others on the 'bad parts' of town without ever going to the neighborhood pipa fria dealer. []

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